Getting lost within myself

Please...

Wed, 09 May 2007 00:52:17 GMT

Tell me, that my life will get better.
Just, someone tell me this.

I don't know what's going on half the time, I'm wake.
I'm stressed out.
I sleep and stay up late.
I wan't someone to talk to.
I want, too much in life.
That, is so simple to other's.
Why do II expect somthing, from someone?
And, if I dont get it... It bug's me, for a long time?
All, i want is an apology.
I don't want to get lied to.
And, I don't know.. what's going to happen to me.

Why do I hope.. for somthing everyday?
And if it doesnt come to me, I feel.. that it nver will?

life. My life. Need's somthing. I'm lacking somthing.
If you feel the same way, It'll be okay.
We'll get thru it.
I just feel, like i'm the only one that feel's this way, half the time...

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 18:09:14 GMT

Beptobismal, tylenal, tum's..
Maybe i should just get detoxed?.. again.
Feeling like shit.
for the past 3 day's.
sober for almost a week.
beside's drinking and gaining a beer belly.
sick of shit.
school, is okay.
passing at least.
want to go shopping, maybe that will make me feel better.
I'm fucked.
Rehab, again.. Maybe?

damnit.

MY..

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 18:29:50 GMT

BDAY IS IN 6 DAY'SSS!!!
RED LOBSTER WITH MY BABY & FAMILY.
THEN SHOPPING WITH MY MOM.
:] 19 BITCHHHESS.

I GOT...

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:52:41 GMT

A NEW B/F.
TINA VAUGHN, IS A HOMWRECKER.
AND OCCORDING TO EVERYONE ELSE, A BIG FAT SLUT.
OH BTW, 300 BUCK'S A MONTH TO MOVE INTO THE BASMENT.
( YES I CAN AFFORD IT.)
PAINTING IT PINK.
BUYING A CAR, SOON.. WILL GET ONE, IN THE SPRING/SUMMER.. MOST LIKELY..

AND.. CRAZY SHIT...
BRADLY MIGHT.. BE MOVING IN.
( PERSONAL ISSUE'S.)

ANNNDD..
IM STARTING CLASS TONIGHT.
IM KINDA EXCITED.

MARC MOVED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
AND.. HU THAT'S BOUT IT.. I GUESS.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 01:05:57 GMT

I'M A TOTAL FUCK UP!!!!!

SLLLLUT.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 21:48:05 GMT

SO IT COME'S TO THIS.
MY ~~B/F~~ OR MY EX, I SOULD SAY...
DID SHIT WITH MY SISTER, RIGHT AFTER WE BROKE UP.
AFTER HE TOLD ME, WE'RE MOVING TO FAST ( AS WE BOTH SAID)
THEN HE GOES BEHIND MY BACK, SNEAKS IN HER ROOM..
AND GAVE HER A BUNCHA HICKEYS ( THAT I SAW, AND SAID IT WAS SOME GUY)
I BELIEVED HER..
AND I THOUGHT, NOTHING OF IT, AS USSUALLY, NO ONE WANTS TO DO SHIT WITH MY SISTER.

SO, HES IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.
WHEN HE GETS BACK, HE CAN TRY TALKING TO ME.
AND APOLIGIZE, AND I'LL HERE HIS SIDE.
BUT, WE WILL NEVER GO BACK OUT, EVER.
MY FUCKIGN SISTER, DUDE!
WTTTTFFF.

I TOLD MY PARENTS SHE WAS A SLUT, BTW.
AT LEAST I DATE A GUY BEFORE I DO SHIT.
ANNND, NOT TO MENTION..
I TOLD HER IM OVER HIM, SO SHE CAN FUCK AROUND WITH HIM, AGAIN.
I AM DONE. PERIOD.

HE'S NEVER GOING TO SEE MY FACE AGAIN.

LOVE, ME.

yo.

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 18:54:43 GMT

well, im back with my old ex.
My other ex keeps calling me, and saying thing's like he loves me and misses me.
and calling me baby?
wtf.

um, matt is getting out, on jan 5th!
I cant wait.
we're so going to red lobster's cuz he's loosing too much weight!

<3!!!!!

I went to rehab?
yeah.
clean, now.
straightedged.
whatever.

new year's.
dont know what to do.
but i got a idea.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 01:46:12 GMT

halloween was shitty.
got drunk alone, as my b/f got drunk with his friends.
i told him he could of came over..
but no, he was too sick he said, and couldnt hangout.
but then when i told him, he made an exuse, how i was "grounded"

man.
then i ask him a question today, on myspace...
no reply.

k 5 more days.
blew it today also.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 19:21:23 GMT

I'm giving my b/f a week to shape up...
Told him whats bothering me, he says he'll try...
and still hasnt proved shit.

7 chances.

Today he blew it so far.
6 more chances.

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 00:44:47 GMT

Im going to have a LONG talk with my b/f...

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 20:46:49 GMT

I need to loose 5Ibs.
Im down to 110.
NOT good enough...

holy shhitt

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 23:38:11 GMT

ANXIETY!!!!

Man...

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 23:14:03 GMT

I'm getting fat, it seem's.
god dammit.

DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:06:16 GMT

I’ll be coming home
JUST TO BE ALONE.
Cause I know you’re not THERE
And I know that you DONT care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I TRY
You’re NEVER satisfied
THIS IS NOT A HOME!!!!!
I think I’m better off alone!
You always disappear..
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

By the time you come home
~~I’m already stoned~~
You turn off the TV
AND YOU SCREAM AT ME!!!!
I can hardly wait
Till you get off my case

No matter how hard I try
You’re never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I’m better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a

HOME, HOME, THIS HOUSE IS NOT A HOME!!!
I’m better off alone

No matter how hard I try
You’re never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I’m better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you’re here
This is not my home
I think I’m better off alone
Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a

Home, home, this house is not a
Home, home, this house is not a home

I'VE BEEN IN THIS SHITHOLE HOUSE FOR 18 YEAR'S NOW...
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S TAKING THIS LONG, FOR ME TO GET THE HELL OUT!
NO ONE, UNDERSTAND'S.
THEY DONT UNDERSTAND.

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 16:09:05 GMT

Mine and matt's first month.

:)

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 02:56:22 GMT

sorry for the post i wrote last, i was very very very high.
didnt mean nothing.
me and my boyfriend are FINE.
i was thinking, very off.
very dramatic!

never do drugs people.
you look at things tottally, differently.

Mad..

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:40:08 GMT

k..
Have to get thing's off my mind, Man..
even if you dont read it, it's prolly better.

I'm mad. and emo, at the same time.
So many people, can just get on your nerves.
I mean, just saying one thing.
you get pissed off.
They get so annoying..
you ever, just want peace and queit?
but everyone is having so much drama?
Like, when your sleeping..
it's so pleasent.
then you wake up..
and reality, comes back.
and you're like, Fuck.
Like, you ever just wanna, sit there, and get high off your ass, dude?
Fucking laugh at everything?

Man, i really couldn't but it'd be nice as hell.
Yesterday, someone heard my laugh, around my family.
they were suprised.
Heh..
whatever.

you ever, listen to old music, and remeber the past?
Like, getting ready to go out..
snd you're like, damn..

like, you'll hear the song's..
and they're so emo..
And then, every single song, was one you could relate to, beack in the day?

Shit.
My life, was fucked up.
I'm not saying it's better.
But, who cares, Man.

I'm good.
I guess.

who know's.
it seem's..
Thing's are rad, now tho.

hanging out with my old friend chelsea z.
she's fucking awesome.

anyway's..

Yeh, like, i hate how guy's just fucking piss me off somtime's.
" oh, id date you. too bad you have a boyfriend."
they think theyre some kind of homewrecker and shit.
It's like, fucking back the fuck off.

Like, you were so close to someone, and now, you dont really wanna talk to them, anymore.

How you can abandon someone.
how people can abandon their selves.
shit.

hate how people, sit there, and insult you.
they dont eve know you, man.
Im tweaking out.
shit.

I'm done.

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 05:09:09 GMT

best sweetest day, ever!

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 19:23:49 GMT

http://blog.myspace.com/pretty_crime

check it out.
New blog's..
Pic's, all the gay shit.

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 19:19:23 GMT

Your Birthdate: February 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Okay, BULLSHIT.
besdide's the boredom part.

Thing's that are on my mind.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 17:01:19 GMT

I really, need to look into tanning place's, to see if they're hiring.
I need, more money, and somthing that im actually good at.
And fun at the same time.
Plus, actually getting paid, ON TIME.

It's time, I get a " Real Job"

Get a half time job, and then, work around, and babysit, when I am free.

I really, need to save up, some money.
So, when next year come's..
I Can buy Matt robert's, confortable, off him.

It's good being his friend, for about 6 year's, Because, I'll prolly, get it alot cheaper.
( That sound's kinda bad)

But, i got to set up some goal's, for myself.

I mean, I do love These kid's i babysit...
But really, to be honest, I hardly do babysit, physically.

I'm there, emotionally, it seem's.
I dont yell at them, Because, I hate yelling.

I'm more, of an understanding person, and, let them experience, thing's.
If it's relavent.

I give them, alot of freedom, it seem's.

But I am there..
I talk to them..
Play with them..
And of course,
I make them learn.
( practice, with flash card's, ask, addition promblem, randomly.)

And, I'm there, ALWAY'S when they're sad.
Mad, whatever.

That's the only thing, i can admidt, that i AM good at.
like, i said..
I'm an understanding person.

I'm trying my hardest, to get my high school diploma, also.
Although, It's very VERY, hard.. to concentrate.
My teacher, even noticed, that I cant focus.
And the class, is only two hour's long!

It's ridiculious.

Um, I am on adderall, again.
5 Mg's.
It's not helping much.

I told my teacher, that, soon, i'll get better, as, I'm not on the right dosage.
But i AM, more alert.

One step at a time.

And, also...
Me and my boyfriend, are doing great.
almost, 1 month.

I'm trying to see, if anything else, is going on..
I got a new phone?

And, My brother moved out a month ago.
I made the basment, into a hangout place.
It's really, rad, occording to me, and my friends.

And, I moved into my brother's room.
havn't really, had anyone sneak in yet.
( dont think, i will, actually.)
I'm maturing, I think.

And, i Guess, i'm talking alot..
Sorry.

and, i got a messege, from my old, old, friend, from elmentary.
" chelsea Zimmerman"

It's good to talk to that girl, again.
I love, hearing from old friend's.
Expecially, when they remeber, you, man.
It's a good thing.
I alway's thought people forget who i am.

haha.

alright, I'm done.

Sorry for the long ass post.

I doubt anyone read it.
Oh well, dont blame you.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 00:23:05 GMT

Big new's, I guess..

Um, going to A.A, soon.
3-5 time's a week, for a month.

I guess, it's alright.

been emo, all day..
It's hard just to think about it.
But first step:
Admidting you HAVE a problem.

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 20:29:29 GMT

Got a new b/f.

He's great.

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 20:47:25 GMT

who want's to ear a band on sat?

(holly if i can get off grounded, on sat, see if you can go to Blue note.)

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 20:45:20 GMT

Grounded.